Why Young People Should Aspire To Be Fathers & Husbands | Dear Alexander #44

Alexander Emmanual Sandalis
2 min readDec 24, 2022

I used to be apathetic to being a father and having a family.

I find fulfilment and meaning in my life’s mission — in ‘the work’— in contributing to the world and conquering.

While I still believe this to be true, it is primarily a selfish endeavour gratifying my own obsession to work hard and conquer.

I‘m learning there is a more important responsibility to bear.

It’s not the one I want, as much as the one that needs to be done.

This is the duty of being a father and husband.

It is very easy to chase what I desire.

As a generalisation, no children means maximal freedom, more time, less responsibility, better sleep, better productivity, more stability and control and more certainty in the future.

This is what I want.

Then there’s the biological argument that a highs status man has the opportunity to sleep with a range of women instead of settling with one mate.

That too sounds like a fun adventure of indulgence.

But ultimately this is a completely self-orientated existence.

A life that fulfils hedonism and instant gratification over duty and responsibility.

To me, life should be about more than what you desire.

The duty of being a great father and husband is what's going to liberate you and give you ultimate purpose.

But even that has selfish intentions.

To be a human and live a life is a magnificent thing.

It would be a shame not to gift that to someone else.

Being a father and a husband is going to make you better in the world and expand your own boundaries and horizons.

Marriage, parenting and commitment make you a better person.

It also does something for someone else that makes you worthwhile and valuable outside of a monetary exchange.

Otherwise, what are you?

A slab of meat chasing your hedonistic desires, then you die with no one really caring and deeply loving you?

You exchange momentarily thrill for true fulfilment, contribution and duty.

Almost all ancient wisdom systems of thought or religions that have functioned for thousands of years have said the same thing.

The pursuit of temporary joy and chasing hedonistic behaviours are not the same as purpose and meaning.

“What we do in life echoes into eternity not by chasing our personal desires, but by fulfilling our duties.”

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Alexander Emmanual Sandalis

Self-reflective writings & book summaries on philosophy, psychology and human behaviour. Video’s + podcast → youtube.com/emmanualalexander