In the fire of an argument it’s easy to make hasty decisions. In the moment, you’re so assured of your conviction. However after the storm has passed, you begin to second guess your decision making.
Most people make decisions in the heat of emotion. I’m not just talking about negative fiery emotion, but cold depressive emotions as well as excited elated states.
That is the mistake.
The mistake is committing to something when your state is drastically altered.
This is the same reason why motivation doesn’t work to maintain long lasting change. Motivation is temporary. There are endless videos that can get you inspired and excited to go out and take action to — *insert life changing goal here*
But by the end of the day, week or month when our excitement and desire has dwindled, we stop.
Understand: Human beings most effectively commit to action when the decisions they make are made in a neutral state.
For example. This very post you’re reading.
The idea for this post came from a very fiery emotional state I was in. It caused me to reflect on the decision I was making. I had to question myself…
Is it smart to commit to this decision now?
Will I feel the same way about the approach to my problem tomorrow, when I’m in a refreshed neutral state?
I took the same approach to writing this. I wrote this post as a result of that aggressive state. But I now find myself making amendments the day after within a calm and stoic state.
This may sound strange to many, but I think it’s really idiotic to break up a marriage/relationship/friendship in the midst of an argument.
Both parties are in chaotic emotional states. The optimal healthy human does not spend the majority of their time in these altered chaotic states.
(Note I said optimal — the average unfortunately do spend a lot of their days in these chaotic states. When I say optimal, I’m addressing the the types of people who have a degree of control of their emotions. Those who are responsiveness instead of reactive)
Therefore if we are spending the majority of our time in a neutral level headed state, then that is exactly where all our decisions should be reflected upon and made.
“The state that you’re in at any given moment determines your perceptions of reality and thus your decisions and behavior. Your behavior is not the result of your ability but of the state that you’re in at this moment” — Anthony Robins
The storm gives us clarity to truly SEE our problems and recognise action needs to be taken. But it is only until we remove ourselves from the chaos of the storm that we can critically assess the ‘what and how’ of the action we need to take. Only then can we make the most authentic decision that falls in accordance with who we are and the values we hold. This is the way I have found clarity and consistency is in my own decision making.
“Every great successful person I know shares the capacity to remain centered, clear and powerful in the midst of emotional storms. How do they accomplish this? Most of them have a fundamental rule: In life, never spend more than 10% of your time on the problem, and spend at least 90% of your time on the solution” — Anthony Robins